The Reality of Being a Self-Employed Mom

Sep 14

Takeaway: You can be both, a present mom and a self-employed business owner, but it takes flexibility, boundaries, and letting go of perfection. Here's how real women are doing it.

If you’ve ever questioned whether it’s possible to be a great mom and a self-employed powerhouse at the same time, I want you to know, you’re not the only one asking. The guilt, the pressure, the missed towels on spirit day, and the constant mental toggle between work and home life are real. I see it in myself, I see it in my clients, and I saw it during my recent podcast with four self-employed moms running full-time businesses while raising anywhere from two to five kids.

There’s no secret formula. But there are patterns, habits, boundaries, and mindset shifts that keep us afloat.

No One Has a Perfect Routine But You Still Need a System

Every woman I spoke with had a completely different schedule. Some wake up before the sun and hit the gym. Others squeeze in work between drop-off and pick-up. A few, like me, are burning the midnight oil once the house is quiet. There’s no universal formula that makes it all fit neatly. The reality is that we don’t run our lives by a perfect calendar, we run them by our values.

What makes it work isn’t discipline. It’s intention. These women structure their days around what matters most, their health, their creativity, their clients, their kids and then let go of what they can’t control. That’s the secret. They plan what they can, and then adapt with grace when things fall apart. Because they always will. And that’s not a failure, that’s just life.

Stop chasing a perfect morning routine and start asking: What has to happen today so I can feel like I showed up for myself and my family? Then do that, and let the rest be messy.

Mom Guilt Hits Us All, Here’s What Helps

The guilt never fully goes away. Whether it’s being late with a school deposit, forgetting to pack the towel for “Reading on the Lawn Day,” or hearing your child say you love your office more than them, those moments sting. They hit hard because we care deeply. But they don’t define our motherhood.

What helps is remembering the bigger picture. When we model ambition, boundaries, purpose, and vulnerability, we’re giving our children the permission to do the same one day. When we miss the towel for “Read Outside Day” and let them sit in the grass and they’re fine, we learn to recalibrate what really matters.

None of these women overcame guilt by eliminating it. They learned to sit with it, challenge it, and focus on what’s true: their kids are loved, cared for, and watching their moms build something powerful. That’s not something to apologize for, that’s something to be proud of.

Yes, You Deserve a Social Life Too

This one is harder to talk about because it feels like an indulgence but it shouldn’t. Whether it’s girls’ night during your partner’s late shift or throwing backyard pizza parties so you can see friends without leaving the house, connection matters. A lot. Especially the ones with other working moms who won’t guilt you for being busy. Just sending a meme or voice note counts as staying close when life gets hectic. Don’t let perfection keep you from reaching out. People who love you will understand.

Romantic relationships count too. One guest shared how she and her husband leave each other messages with foam bath letters to stay connected. Another leaned into the silver lining of shared custody: protected “me time” for dating and adult connection.

We have to fight for that space. And sometimes, we have to get creative about how we carve it out. But it’s worth it.

Doing It All Is a Lie, Doing What Matters Is Enough

There’s no award for being exhausted. You don’t get a gold star for sacrificing everything. You’re allowed to set boundaries, outsource dinner, turn off the phone on weekends, and say no to the PTA bake sale. You’re also allowed to love your work and admit that it’s part of what makes you feel alive. Being a self-employed mom is never going to feel balanced every day.

These women aren’t superheroes. They’re just honest about the trade-offs and intentional about their choices. And that’s what makes them powerful.

You don’t have to be everything, all the time, to everyone. You just need to show up, imperfectly, honestly, and with intention. Sometimes the most important work happens behind the scenes in the quiet moments where you give yourself permission to reset. That’s where real change begins. You can explore what that looks like here.

If you’re still here, still trying, still loving your kids through the chaos, that’s more than enough.

MEET THE AUTHOR

Justine Carino

Justine is a licensed mental health counselor with a private practice in White Plains, NY. She helps teenagers, young adults and families struggling with anxiety, depression, family conflict and relationship issues. Justine is also the host of the podcast Thoughts From the Couch.