This is a common question that may run through your mind during the course of a relationship. The thought of being with the wrong person is anxiety-provoking. After all, you don’t want to waste your time and energy on someone who isn’t right for you. At the same time, you don’t want to end a relationship that may be salvageable.
While it can be a worrying thought, it’s not inherently bad to question whether you’re dating the wrong person. It can simply be a sign that you’re putting serious consideration into what you want in a partner. There’s nothing wrong with thinking critically about your partner and your relationship. It’s better to think carefully about it than not at all.
With that being said, there is no singular way to know if you’re dating the wrong person. However, there are key signs to look out for--and things you can do to take action.
If you’ve been asking yourself “Am I with the wrong person?” lately, take a look at the red flags below. If any of them resonate with you, the answer may be yes.
This is a major sign you may be dating the wrong person. Feeling like you have to constantly walk on eggshells, change something about your appearance, or stop doing certain activities you enjoyed are all signs you can’t be yourself around your partner. A healthy relationship would allow you to express yourself fully--you shouldn’t need to change your identity.
It’s natural to go through a honeymoon period in the relationship when you both feel infatuated with each other. During this time period, you may be attached at the hip, spending every free moment with each other. However, spending a lot of time together can be a red flag if your partner is actively keeping you from being around other people. The right person will give you the space to foster the other relationships in your life.
When your relationship is going well, you may think that you never want it to change. However, it’s unrealistic to think that things will stay the same forever. You will change and your partner will too. If you can’t imagine navigating the next stages of your life together, you may be with the wrong person.
Compromise is part of any healthy relationship. If your partner always has to have their way, you may want to seriously consider whether they are the right person for you. You deserve to have your needs and wants prioritized when making decisions. Constantly being put on the back burner can leave you feeling unheard and lead to bitterness and resentment. This goes both ways, too--if your partner is constantly bending to everything you want, part of them may be feelings this way as well.
Communication is a skill that can be worked on. However, there are communication red flags to look out for. Does every minor disagreement end in a full-on, blown-out fight? Does your partner get defensive whenever you try to tell them how you feel? Do you feel like you constantly have to pull information out of your partner or read their mind? You may be dating the wrong person, especially if they are not willing to work on these communication challenges.
If these red flags resonated with you, it may be a sign of being with the wrong person. Now that you know, it’s time to make a decision about what to do next. Here are a few good options.
There is always the chance that having a conversation with your partner could change things. After all, you never truly know until you try. Having an honest discussion about your feelings could be the first step into improving your relationship. While it’s possible that things may not change after having a conversation, you owe it to yourself and your partner to try. Having the conversation with your partner may also make you realize that you think it is best to end the relationship--and that’s okay too.
A couples counselor can provide you and your partner with the space to openly discuss your issues. Together, you can get to the root of your problems, learn new skills to strengthen your dynamic, and reflect on what you truly want in a relationship. It can be helpful to have a neutral third party involved who can see your dynamic from an objective point of view and provide their expert guidance and support. If you’re interested in learning more about how couples therapy works and are located in New York state, I encourage you to contact me today.
As I mentioned before, there is no magic formula to determine whether you’re dating the right person. It’s possible that reading this post has caused you to wonder about your relationship, but you’re still unsure of how you really feel about your partner. That’s completely fine--it’s only human to have mixed emotions about situations and relationships. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on what you truly want in a partner and whether or not that need is currently being met. Journaling, expressing yourself through art, meditating, and talking to friends are all excellent ways to gain a deeper understanding of what you want and need.
Still not exactly sure whether you’re with the wrong person? Talking to a couples counselor can help. I will support you in getting to the heart of the matter and figuring out what you really want in your relationship. Reach out today to learn more about how I can help you.
Justine is a licensed mental health counselor with a private practice in White Plains, NY. She helps teenagers, young adults and families struggling with anxiety, depression, family conflict and relationship issues. Justine is also the host of the podcast Thoughts From the Couch.