Parenting Advice When Raising a Stubborn Child
Parenting goes beyond giving birth and paying the bills. There is much more that parents struggle with. Psychology Today cites the data shared by the American Psychological Association, stating that half of American parents feel overwhelmed these days. Parental stress has been considered a national mental health crisis by the US Surgeon General.
Raising a trouble-making child is one of the most common challenges parents encounter. Their persistence and strong will could be cultivated into positive traits if managed properly. Some children resist instructions and strive to work independently, which can be hard to manage. However, they often demonstrate early signs of determination and leadership.
As a parent, awareness of their stubborn behavior is a form of communication, which helps shift your focus from control to cooperation. Having patience, structure, and empathy helps you to nurture their strengths while teaching flexibility and respect. The objective is not to break their will but to strengthen emotional intelligence and mutual trust.
In this article, we will share some valuable insights regarding dealing with a stubborn child.
Cultivate Patience
Patience is an essential parenting trait, even more so for those raising a stubborn child. Their determination can easily create frustration for parents who deal with them every day. However, being angry often intensifies resistance and worsens the situation when a kid is hell-bent to test your patience.
When your child refuses to listen, take a step back, breathe, and approach the situation calmly. UNICEF recommends staying calm during stressful moments. Try to see the situation through your child's eyes, as it may help soften your response. Eventually, the perspective will enable you to guide them with more understanding and patience.
A composed response helps you model emotional regulation. You could show them that conflict can be resolved thoughtfully. Practice active listening rather than instant correction. This reduces tension and opens space for constructive dialogue. Consistency fosters trust and creates space for cooperation rather than confrontation in daily interactions and discipline.
Create a Communication Strategy
Momizen highlights the importance of healthy communication between parents and kids. It sets the foundation of a strong relationship, nurtures trust, and supports social and emotional development. On the other hand, when communication is a struggle, you may see your child switching off and facing conflict.
Efficient communication transforms power struggles into opportunities for connection. Give your child options rather than direct commands when possible. This fosters independence while maintaining boundaries. For instance, ask them if they would like to start homework before or after dinner rather than forcing them to complete homework now.
Acknowledge their feelings when they are upset. This encourages them to identify emotions rather than suppress them. Maintain eye contact and speak with a calm tone to express empathy. Communication with a trouble-making child is about clarity and respect more than authority.
Work with Teachers and Counselors
A child’s stubbornness can appear differently in school than at home. Encouraging honest communication with teachers and school counselors helps build consistent strategies across settings. Unfortunately, as Axios notes, American schools are struggling with a critical shortage of school counselors. The national average of student-to-school counselors was 385 as of 2023.
Many aspiring professionals are now accessing school counseling online master’s programs to fill this gap and explore opportunities in this field. The good thing about studying online is that they can gain the credentials without pausing their current careers.
According to Walsh University, school counselors become a part of a compassionate workforce that heals the world. Parents can rely on their professional guidance to identify underlying emotional or developmental deficits that intensify stubborn behavior. Collaboration among caregivers, parents, and educators creates a unified support system. Therefore, it helps the child feel understood and guided rather than being stigmatized or misunderstood.
Practice Positive Reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is the best approach you can use to handle a stubborn child. Focusing on what your child does correctly can nurture cooperation more effectively than pointing out every mistake. The process is simple, provided you are willing to embrace acceptance and move ahead.
Praise behaviors such as finishing homework, sharing, or expressing emotions appropriately. Reward positive behaviors by verbal appreciation, extra playtime, or stickers, to reinforce positive choices. Avoid using excessive material rewards, since they may shift motivation from intrinsic to external.
When discipline is required, use natural consequences that teach accountability rather than punishment that breeds resentment. Positive reinforcement helps your child link good behavior with emotional satisfaction and acceptance. Encouragement increases progress and fosters growth grounded in love and respect.
FAQs
What is the most exhausting age of parenting?
Many parents find the toddler years (ages two to four) the most exhausting due to sudden emotional development, strong independence, and frequent testing of limits. However, preteen years can also be demanding, since children begin asserting individuality and questioning authority. Each stage requires patience and flexibility.
At what age are kids most stubborn?
Children often show peak deviancy between ages three and six, when they develop autonomy and self-expression. During this stage, saying “no” becomes their way of asserting control. This strong will can evolve into confidence and decision-making skills if adequate guidance is provided by caregivers.
How do you discipline a stubborn child without being aggressive?
Use calm, consistent, and constructive methods. Set clear expectations, offer choices, and apply natural consequences instead of harsh punishment. Acknowledge their feelings while maintaining boundaries. Firmness balanced with empathy helps maintain respect and increases understanding rather than fear-based compliance.
Raising a stubborn child requires emotional intelligence, adaptability, and perseverance. What seems like troublemaking today may become determination tomorrow when guided with understanding. You may turn challenges into growth opportunities for both parent and child.
Building strong connections with educators and modeling balanced behavior fosters consistency and emotional safety. Guide their will with respect and structure. Over time, your child learns that strength and empathy can coexist. Thus, they grow up into a resilient and confident individual.
MEET THE AUTHOR
Justine Carino
Justine is a licensed mental health counselor with a private practice in White Plains, NY. She helps teenagers, young adults and families struggling with anxiety, depression, family conflict and relationship issues. Justine is also the host of the podcast Thoughts From the Couch.
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