In today’s world, anxiety can feel rampant. Global, political, financial, and internal factors all contribute to a general sense of unease. And if you’re a working mother who carries a lot of responsibility, you probably live with a fairly high level of anxiety every day.

You might be the emotional and logistical center of your family. You’re likely the one managing a career, taking care of the kids, picking up groceries, remembering the birthdays and appointments, and going to school PTA meetings. Keeping everything running is a lot of pressure for one nervous system.

As an anxiety specialist and therapist in Westchester, New York, I hear a lot of my clients say they waited to get support until their breaking point because they always thought, “Well, this is just how life is. There’s nothing I can do about it.”

When anxiety is chronic and underlying, it usually does feel like there’s nothing you can do about it, especially if it would require slowing down. But while racing thoughts, irritability, burnout, and body tension are common among my high-achieving clients who strive to do it all, it’s not normal. And there are ways you can get support without everything falling apart.

Normal Anxiety Isn’t Bad

Anxiety is a messenger. It shows up to help you pay attention, prepare, or respond to something meaningful or stressful in your life.

Examples of normal anxiety include:

Feeling nervous before a big work event or presentation
Worrying about your child when they’re struggling
Feeling keyed up during a particularly busy or demanding season
Feeling stressed about an important decision

In these situations, anxiety is:

Situational: Linked to a specific stressor
Temporary: It eases once the situation passes
Proportionate: The reaction matches the circumstance
Not debilitating: You can function in spite of the discomfort

Normal anxiety doesn’t hijack your entire system or linger long after the stressor is gone.

Instead, it comes and goes, has a clear trigger, settles down after the situation resolves or passes, and is a manageable part of a healthy life.

What an Anxiety Disorder Looks Like Instead

When regular stress or anxiety becomes chronic and ceaseless, it’s no longer normal. It crosses into disorder territory when it:

Is constant or easily activated
Lingers even when there is no immediate or obvious stressor
Interferes with daily functioning
Keeps your nervous system stuck in high alert
Shapes your decisions, relationships, and sense of safety

Impacts sleep, focus, mood, appetite, and well-being

Many women don’t realize they’re dealing with an anxiety disorder because they’re still getting everything done. (Even though it’s exhausting.) But unlike normal anxiety, an anxiety disorder often feels like it’s running the show. It becomes the boss of your whole life rather than something you can manage fairly easily, and the stress just keeps growing.

Signs of an Anxiety Disorder

For mothers who are used to pushing through, signs of an anxiety disorder can be easy to minimize or dismiss.

You might notice that you:

Can’t relax and always feel on edge, even during downtime
Experience physical symptoms like tension, headaches, stomach issues, fatigue, and even chronic illness or pain.
Struggle with sleep because your mind won’t slow down
Feel irritable, overwhelmed, or emotionally depleted more often than not
Avoid certain situations because they spike your anxiety
Constantly feel like you’re behind or failing, no matter how much you do

If anxiety feels like a grating background noise that never really quiets down, it’s worth paying attention to.

8 Ways Anxiety Shows Up for High-Functioning, Burned-Out Moms

Our culture often rewards anxious behaviors in women. Think: over-functioning, hyper-vigilance, self-sacrifice, emotional labor. All of these things are socially reinforced expectations of women and mothers.

These cultural beliefs seep into our own perception of our value and worthiness in the world. We internalize the need to do everything and be everything for everyone 24/7. Goodbye, boundaries and sustainability; hello, burnout. (I know. I’ve been there.)

Here are eight challenges that tend to flare up for high-achieving, perfectionistic moms who juggle career and family.

1. You can’t really rest because there’s always something else to manage

Even when you technically have downtime, your body doesn’t register it as safe. Rest feels earned, conditional, or uncomfortable. Plus, you’re not likely to be able to rest for very long – there’s probably going to be something vying for your attention any minute now – so you end up trying to relax but never quite feeling like you can sink into it before getting interrupted.

2. Perfectionism drives everything

Perfectionism keeps you in the hamster wheel of feeling responsible for preventing mistakes, managing outcomes, and keeping things from falling apart. The idea of “letting go of control” sounds impossible, stupid, and way too scary.

3. You’re the emotional regulator for everyone else

You track moods, anticipate needs, and absorb stress so others don’t have to. Meanwhile, you have no time to take care of your own emotional or physical needs.

4. Your mind jumps to worst-case scenarios

Even small issues quickly spiral into catastrophic thinking. When your kid takes 5 minutes longer than usual to get home, you might automatically think they’ve been hurt. If your colleague gives you the cold shoulder, you spiral and obsess over it.

5. You feel guilty for needing support

You believe you should be able to handle anything and everything because you always have. You’re the one who’s supposed to be strong and resilient and all-powerful. How are you supposed to find support when you’re the one everyone leans on?

6. You’re afraid of doing anything wrong

The fear of messing up, even in small ways, is woven into everyday life. Every decision feels huge and paralyzing. The thought of being even 2 minutes late to your child’s basketball game fills you with shame. Receiving negative (or even neutral) feedback from your partner, friends, or coworkers is devastating.

7. Your body feels constantly tense or exhausted

Chronic anxiety leads to mind-body issues like pain, muscle tension, digestion issues, and fatigue.

8. You feel emotionally numb or disconnected

People associate anxiety with racing thoughts and worry, but sometimes it can look like the complete opposite: emotional shutdown and fogginess.

These patterns are incredibly common protective mechanisms among women who are caretakers, breadwinners, and high performers, because taking time to feel any unpleasant emotions registers in your body as unsafe.

How Anxiety Treatment Can Help

Effective anxiety treatment shouldn’t focus on trying to make you calm and zen all the time. Instead, our approach centers on helping mothers feel less trapped in survival mode even when things are chaotic.

Each of the therapists in my Westchester, New York practice work with your mind and nervous system to help build the skills you need to get back to a regulated state sooner than later after something pulls you into stress mode.

In therapy, we look at:

How anxiety developed and what maintains it
Which parts of you need your attention and care
The beliefs driving perfectionism and over-responsibility
Your stress response patterns
How to regain a sense of safety and self-trust, even in stressful times

If you’re wondering how to cope with the anxiety and stresses in your life, the team at Carino & Co. can help you get there.

Reach out to schedule a free 20-minute consultation. You don’t have to keep managing the exhaustion (and all the rest of it) without support.

The Difference Between Normal Anxiety vs. an Anxiety Disorder

Normal Anxiety Isn’t Bad

What an Anxiety Disorder Looks Like Instead

Signs of an Anxiety Disorder

8 Ways Anxiety Shows Up for High-Functioning, Burned-Out Moms