6 Ways to Cope With the Stressors of Being a Mom and a Breadwinner
Being a mom and the family breadwinner is no easy task. If you’ve ever wondered, “Am I doing enough?” in either world, welcome. You’re not alone.
There’s a baby on your hip, a toddler at your feet, a laptop open, phone and computer pings dinging, and a never-ending to-do list that no one else seems to see. You’re the one who pays the bills. You’re the dreamer and the doer. You juggle client calls with childcare. You schedule launches around naptime. And most days, you feel like you’re being pulled in two thousand different directions.
Navigating all the stressors of building a business and a family at the exact same time is hard. You love your work and your kids. But the pressure, stress, and guilt feels like too much sometimes.
I work with women who feel torn between creating a life of freedom and being present in the one they already have. Many of them never thought balance was possible, but they got there by unlearning and shedding the external pressures that the world put on their shoulders. It’s possible for you, too. Here’s where you can start.
The Weight of Being the Breadwinner and the Caregiver
There’s a particular kind of intensity that comes with being the one who brings in the income while also holding the emotional and physical labor of raising children. It’s a daily juggling act of survival and ambition.
You might look around at your friends and feel like they don’t quite get it. Maybe their partner carries the financial load, or they’re not trying to run a business. Your reality is different, and it might feel invisible to others.
Maybe it feels like there’s no alternative to being overwhelmed and running on empty all the time, but part of you might still wonder: what if it’s okay to want more?
More ease.
More time.
More space to breathe.
More freedom from the weight of all the responsibility.
Yes, it’s okay to want more. And it’s also okay to say, “I need help.”
The Invisible Stressors No One Talks About
Here are just some of the stressors you might be quietly carrying:
Decision fatigue. Every single thing is your call, from sales strategy to what’s for dinner.
Financial pressure. You don’t have a cushion. Your work is the cushion.
Time scarcity. There are never enough hours in the day. Something always gets pushed to the side (and that something is often your own needs).
Mental load. You’re remembering everything for everyone. Always.
Isolation. Even if you have a balanced partnership, childcare options, or trusted employees, it can still feel like no one really gets the weight you’re under.
Mom guilt. You feel bad when you work. You feel bad when you rest. You feel bad when you can't do both perfectly.
Self-neglect. You say you’ll get to your needs “after this busy week,” but that week never ends.
Burnout masked as high-functioning. On paper, you’re killing it. But inside, you’re exhausted.
These aren’t minor stressors. Over time, they lead to things like chronic anxiety, burnout, irritability, trouble sleeping, and resentment in relationships.
Mom Stress and Your Nervous System
There’s no easy fix for being an overwhelmed mom and entrepreneur. You might need a lot of shifts in your life in order to truly feel supported, nurtured, and calm. You shouldn’t – and can’t – bear the weight of everything by yourself. You deserve to feel supported in your marriage, relationships, home life, and work life. Without a foundation of support, you likely won’t be able to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps.” It doesn’t work that way. People aren’t meant to go it alone.
Being present is almost impossible when your nervous system is stuck in overdrive. You aren’t doing anything wrong if you feel like your mind is constantly flying in opposite directions. This is a normal response to a chronically heightened nervous system.
At the root of nervous system regulation isn’t willpower, it’s safety. Safety requires support, community, skill-building, and unlearning coping mechanisms like perfectionism and people-pleasing.
6 Ways to Cope With Mom Stress
Perfectionism tells you that unless it’s flawless, it’s a failure. That you’re only worthy if everything is under control. Sound familiar?
Let’s be clear: perfectionism is not a personality trait. It’s a coping mechanism. It often forms in childhood and becomes amplified in motherhood and entrepreneurship.
If you’re like many of the women I work with, you might feel like perfectionism is one more thing you have to, well, be perfect at. But I’m here to tell you that’s not how it works, and it’s a process that can take months or years of practice. And that’s okay! It’s not a to-do you can just check off your list. Think about it: you’ve been operating this way for years, so why would it be reasonable to expect it all to go away overnight?
But you can start loosening its grip, little by little, starting today. Here are some ways to do that.
Remember that showing up is better than doing it all perfectly.
You get to show up as your full, messy self in life, because you’re a human. Let that email go out even if it’s not your best writing. Show up to that thing you’ve been looking forward to even if you’re tired. Your 70% is still valuable.Practice mindfulness tools.
Mindfulness isn’t about being still or serene, it’s about noticing what’s going on around and within you. That means checking in with your emotions and bodily sensations, attuning to the environment, and not judging what comes up.Be on your own side.
One of the hardest things for anxious moms to practice is self-compassion. But without it, your body and brain won’t be able to settle down. When you mess up (because you will), speak to yourself like you would your child: “It’s okay to be human. You did a really good job and I’m proud of you for trying. You’re still worthy of love and rest.”Set realistic goals.
Pick 1–2 must-do items each day. Everything else is a bonus. The never-ending list can wait.Break the “all-or-nothing” cycle.
You don’t have to overhaul your entire life to make progress. 15 minutes of focused work or movement or journaling is enough.Share the load.
You need support in your life. Whether that’s outsourcing childcare, getting a VA to delegate work tasks to, or having a conversation with your partner about more equity in household upkeep and parenting obligations, you deserve to find ways to feel more balanced.
You Deserve Support, Too
You’re so good at supporting everyone else—your kids, your clients, your team—but who’s supporting you?
Most self-employed moms I work with are used to being the strong one. The capable one. The one who just figures it out. But behind that competence is often a deep sense of depletion and loneliness.
You deserve peace. Not just for your nervous system, but for your relationships, your business, and your sense of self.
When you don’t prioritize your own well-being, your bandwidth shrinks. Resentment and anxiety build. Your creativity dries up. And you stop enjoying the life you worked so hard to create.
You don’t have to wait until you’re totally burned out to make a change.
A Path to Something Better
If you’re craving a version of your life that feels lighter – where you can actually enjoy your family and grow your business without losing yourself – I created something for you.
The Path to Peace is a 6-month small group coaching program for ambitious, self-employed moms like you. Moms who are tired of the perfectionism, the people-pleasing, and the guilt that comes with trying to do it all.
Your life is hectic, and it’s not realistic to expect zero stress in your life. But it is realistic to learn how to deal with that stress in a way that keeps you feeling grounded, stable, and solid, no matter what comes your way. This requires building self-trust, practicing self-compassion, loosening the grip of perfectionism, and skill-building. And I can help set you on that path.
Inside the program, you’ll learn how to:
Reframe the thoughts that keep you stuck in survival mode
Build a sustainable mental health routine that actually fits your life
Set boundaries with your time and relationships
Practice mindfulness in the in-between moments
Let go of what’s no longer serving you
Create a version of success that actually includes you
You’ll also get live support from me and monthly workshops with guest experts – other women who understand what you’re going through – in business, wellness, and motherhood.
Enrollment opens soon. Want a spot?
👉 Click here to join the waitlist
You deserve to feel supported. You deserve to feel calm. You deserve peace, even in the chaos.
You don’t have to hold it all alone anymore.
MEET THE AUTHOR
Justine Carino
Justine is a licensed mental health counselor with a private practice in White Plains, NY. She helps teenagers, young adults and families struggling with anxiety, depression, family conflict and relationship issues. Justine is also the host of the podcast Thoughts From the Couch.
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